The Dance

The Dance
 
Homework not done, take away the phone, homework gets done.
Next week… homework not done, take away the phone and video games, homework gets done.
Next week… homework not done.
 
Sound familiar?
 
Parents, are you running out of viable discipline options? Do you feel like the only thing you can do is take away technology to create changed behavior? Does that work? Or is a pattern emerging of the back-and-forth dance described above?
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I often advise parents of teens to lay off the punishments. Stop threatening with taking things away. It may work for a week, but then you are back to the status quo. There are other ways to be effective.
 
“Taking their phone away is the only thing that works.” I hear this time and time again. Stop it already! It doesn’t work.
 
When parents find that punishments are not working to change behavior, the next step is usually sending their teen to a traditional therapist. Oftentimes this leaves the teen feeling broken as it’s typically problem-oriented.  
 
That relationship with your son or daughter that you once had feels gone. It’s not gone but you must recognize that your role is changing.
 
We forget what is really important some times. We obsess about school, and grades, and school, and more school. It’s an obsession for many parents. Many won’t admit this, but they want their kids to attend the best University’s, nothing short of Ivy League.
 
What they forget is the intense amount of pressure this puts on their teen day in and out.
 
What IS the Problem?
 
When I first meet with my clients they are often broken and down. They say things like, “I just can’t do this anymore.” They feel as if they have no control and no power over their own lives. They begin to tell themselves a story that they aren’t good enough, strong enough, good looking enough and on and on. This story becomes deeply engrained.
 
Nothing is more important than the relationship You have with your son or daughter. This always comes first. So, stop your grade tracking and focus on what really matters. 
 
This nasty pattern can change. Teens need to feel in control, challenged in a healthy way, have relationships that matter and know how to find them. They need hope. They need to slowly begin to create a new story. One that looks towards the possibilities in their lives. 
 
The Solution
 
What is going to help your son or daughter grow up into a young adult who is independent, confident and living their life base on their own unique personality? They need mentoring and coaching.  They need words from somebody who has been through it already. "How does that make you feel?" isn’t going to cut it with these kids. Becoming an adult is scary. Your teen needs someone to walk alongside them through the emotions of inadequacy to realize they can achieve their dreams.

Want to learn more? Set up a Teen Breakthrough Consultation to learn about Mentoring HERE.